Oh shit…Am I an Alcoholic?


Its happened time and time again…..


Class has ended and im ready. Im.fucking. pumped. Tonight is the night, Im going to tear the roof off. My friends and I know we are going to party so we do the only logical thing, start the pre-game. I figure a few beers and some Bacardi 151 will be be just the ticket. The show at the bar doesn’t start until ten thirty, so we should be sufficiently intoxicated and socially lubricated for proper bar insertion. Then it happens. Again. The night of healthy youthful shenanigans does not seem to turn out exactly as expected. These are the flashes. Raccus laughter. Spilled Booze. Super sweet and sexy make-out session in a sensual and stimulating bathroom stall. An impromptu pavement pummeling, and to give it a nice topper, sometimes we enjoy adding a sprinkling of confrontation with the local system of justice. If someone is not just a little upset, then it wasn’t night enough for me.

Now the next morning is when it seems to get a little bit sticky, many times in more ways than one. There tends to be two alternating reactions to an evening of delight such as above mentioned. One seems pretty obvious…..never again will I subject myself to an experience of that magnitude, the other is less predictable..”When, by God, when may I have such a scintillating experience again?” and the answer to that question, to the type of person who asks it, is usually, “Why not right now?”

Now at this point you may want to ask yourself, which one am I?images-14

Uh. Oh.

Number two huh? Bummer town, population you. This incredibly thrilling life style is not sustainable, this motherfucking blogger knows that for a fact. Sooooo, lets talk options. Dun Dun Dun, The dreaded AA. Hello my name is Elan, and I am an alcoholic. Shit coffee. Chainsmoking cigarettes. Dark church basement. Life. Is. Over.

Or is it?

If you drink like this, there is a reason behind it. There is something you are searching for, some void within you that needs filled. AA works to fill that desparate sense of ‘wanting to be a part of’, without the need for what you thought was the elixir of excitement.

Unknown-1I was always searching for the party. THE BEST PARTY. Nothing was good enough, it could always be better, to make me feel more whole. I still felt alone with people around me. I wanted to find the people who were ‘seekers’ just like me. Guess what? I found them. In a fucking church basement.


Not to sound over the top hokey, like I believe in the power of crystals, but AA is magic. The deal is though, usually it’s the last house on the block, not, “I feel great today, so lets skip on down to AA!” A person must to have some desperation to try something new, especially when it involves a bunch of spiritual-ass weirdos. The feelings that someone has whilst they whistle their way to an AA meeting is pretty much complete mental insanity, or utter internal isolation and loneliness, however you want to paint this ‘not so pretty’ picture. But here is the clincher, AA is not about sitting around in chairs at a ‘poor me’ bitch fest, it is about working the twelve steps of AA to change your life. The Twelve Steps removes that desperate sense of internal isolation, and all of the sudden life gets pretty full. This forceful interaction with others and a sense of belonging and community is pretty fucking groovy. It turns out, that these are also some of the funniest, most light hearted, down to earth people I have ever encountered. Bonus.

Sooooo, if you party like I liked to party, and its not feeling so great anymore, its not the end of the world. In fact it could be just the beginning.