A Formative Exploration: Addyson S

Her formative songs, what, how they shaped and taught her.

Welcome to the Black Parade- My Chemical Romance 

 You know how you usually like music of your parents? And then one band becomes your own thing “YOUR FIRST BAND” they were my first band, I was nuts, obsessed. All posters, Cds, everything. Their third album of theirs, was MY ALBUM. They toured with this album, and it was my first concert at 13. My sexual awakening , who didn’t love Gerard Way? Their last concert was in Mexico, and you know how they have all that merchandise, well I bought this little coffin with all of their  different masks on it, fuckin’ rad. I played it on repeat all the time, it was constant. I became an Emo kid, which was unsuccessful lol, because I was an

Emo, happy go lucky. I tried with the all black shit, but instead made due with black lacy shit. Dark time in my life cuz of Hot Topic…Damn Hot Topic

It was the beginning of my formative songs, loved everything they wrote about. 

 Their new album came out called KillJoys while I was in Ireland, it broke my heart, cuz it was so poppy, and all dumb party songs. It was ruined, I  remember watching commercials and their song was in a GTA5 promo, MTV promotions, made me really sad. I became “Disenchanted”- because I was adult transforming because everything doesn’t stay the same. I grow up to see my heroes sell a car on tv… things change when you get older. And they got hipster….bummer

It’s true, we all have that ONE FUCKING SONG that seduced us, provoked us, and made us go all the way with that one genre, and that one band. That grabbed our hand and led us to our individual Siren Song, metaphorically and literally. Music does that, it’s our temptress, our mistress. Our lover that can calm us, inspire, provoke and revoke us, all because of that sexual awakening we have with it. Because we do, because music sometimes finds us, like that ONE FUCKING SONG that changed everything, it finds us.

Strangers- Yoko Kanno

Sound really nerdy, super nerdy, but this song was from my favorite anime called Wolf’s Rain, and the composer is Yoko Kanno, does a lot of anime, and all the songs sound really different, but all beautiful, kinda jazzy but really shhhhhh, how would I explain it, kind of etherial? Reminds me a lot of high school, really into it in high school, anime, the lifestyle.  And high school is weird, and made a lot of anime friends. Glad that time is over. This song is  an allegory for the entire show, about how they are like going to find paradise… I know this makes no sense. It’s a very literal place. Paradise basically ends up being like the world we live in right now. Significant for what we have now. I just really like the song, the singer sounds like a speakeasy jazz singer sort of.

Funny to think that an anime song could represent the fantasy we are in now, yet create an entire show based on the searching for the paradise we call our lives, Perspective is everything, and music is no different.

Alibi- 30 to Mars

Jared Leto…is one beautiful, sexy, mysterious, talented MAN!

This one will be a short little discussion, really  not much to say- Really really sad song, “she smiles” Jared Leto’s voice.. man…the main lyrics he screams are so good and so meaningful through so many things in life. I remember in 8th grade I started  listening to them and in 9th grade I remember this song in particular because we lived in a tiny apartment, and living through this transition of divorce of my Mom from my psychotic dad. 

I drove in my car last year and cried to it, it was a boy thing..lol

Cry and just be over it.

Short and sweet.

Lol, yup songs and their “it’s a boy thing” mentality. Oh high school


Umm I started listening to this while I was living in Ireland, he is like a Irish chill wave artist, really cool, all his songs melodic, they really chill you out. But umm that song always reminds me of when I dated a gut in  Ireland who’s name was Sam, and was tremendously boring hahaha. It was an awkward time. SO um, sooo- I used to live 45 min from him, cuz we went to a private school, not like a school distract based school, so that’s where we met, we had a really small class, he wasn’t that cute either. And umm in Ireland there is a rail system, and I used to take the train to see my bf in Greystones, the whole majority was along the coast. I’ll show you a picture it’ll be really nice. And give you time to type ahah. (Gorgeous Irish coast pictures) and I always think of the cold,because the coast was fucking freezing. This song always reminds me of blue and green, cuz that it what I saw hen I was listening to it. My bf and I decided to walk from Brey to Gresytones, and it was just one stop, so not a far walk, about a block or so, and we saw these flowers that were like little fireworks, it was fu, and beautiful. That song just reminds me of my bf, and when I moved bak to the U.S, we didn’t break up, and I couldn’t listen to it back here because it just made me cry. And actually I just listened to it for the first time last night ,and I cried and cried because I miss Ireland and all my friends, but yeah.

Ireland, music, memories…how powerful the sense of listening can be, of hearing. How a simple song can rush back images of firework flowers, a painted coast of blues and greens, and all the emotions that those pictures once held.

Home- Will Hanson

Ok, umm-Home is a song I associate with Jack Kerouac’s book On the Road, mainly because it is the main score of the film version of the book, which was not that great to be honest. I remember the song more than the movie. It has been a really good song for me, and m life, it has applied to a lot in my life. This flows nicely actually, because right after we left Ireland we lived in middle of nowhere New Mexico, with my aunt and uncle, and I was so upset and I uhh and I obviously didn’t have a car and couldn’t go anywhere. I felt trapped, and I remember it, it was like one in the morning  and walked outside, and walked , and walked, and laid  down on the gravel and just cried. But umm they have this cute like brown husky named Montana and he just came up and sat next to me, and put his paw in my lap super cute,  but we sat there, together, and looked up at the starts,  and there was a millions and millions of them. I like that song a lot cuz I moved around a a lot and moved like 25 times between parents, a lot of moving. I always connected with that song because I associate home with different places, but at that point home was more like an idea I guess. We went back again recently, and it was good cuz it made me feel like a kid again, but again I’m an adult, So was kinda bittersweet, life life. Reminds me of Durango, because this was my  first pick of where I could call home, I mean I got it tattooed on my body, haha and listened to this song  while I was getting the tattoo, and went in my car and listened to it a bunch. I associate songs a lot with pictures, good and bad pictures. And I think of the first time climbing Points Peak. Getting my life situated, getting shit together, jk hahaha no I’m not. Chronically late for everything, and a big ole mess.

Music is bittersweet, it is pictures of happy times and desperate times. It is childhood, teenage drama, and now. It comes and goes in our lives, like places and homes, but unlike those truly tangible things, it never truly dissipates. We can always come harmoniously home.


I’m sure this is being mutually mentioned, but Addy and I sat next to each other last semester, three days a week, in a class both of us resented for different reasons. But we found laughter, and connection through that silly thing called resentment. And now, through music, lyrics, life experience, memories, and laughter we have reconnected. (P.S- Also, through our awesome love of those furry, fuzzy felines called cats too)

Music does that, it connects, reconnects, builds, construct new things, new beginnings, and endings. It is a multicultural tie, a bond between souls that is so beautiful and yet, so unexplainable. It is so difficult to grasp why music is so powerful. Is it scientific? Emotional? Spiritual? I think a mix of everything in life is music, but I like that I don’t truly know what makes music what it is for us, and for all species. It’s beautiful…and omnipotently special.

Within the Listenings of Addy Santese 🙂

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